


Demonic Pulse

by Ysavvryl



Category: Wild ARMs 2
Genre: Demonic Possession, F/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 21:33:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20414653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/pseuds/Ysavvryl
Summary: It's difficult to find peace when you can't trust your own thoughts and actions.





	Demonic Pulse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NightsMistress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightsMistress/gifts).

‘Why am I doing nothing?’

‘Irving ordered me not to fight.’

‘But my friends are out there, in grave danger! I’m not powerless! They’ll need my power or they’ll perish to the nuclear dragon.’

‘I have to stay because I’m dangerous.’

‘Is it because I cannot be trusted?’

He could barely trust himself, not when his thoughts sparred with each other for dominance and he couldn’t tell which thoughts were himself and which were the other self, the demon Lord Blazer. While Lord Blazer sought destruction, his lies were skillfully crafted. He spoke words that felt like Ashley’s own, pushing him on to continue with ARMS. It was what Ashley wanted to do, but why did Blazer want it too? What did he want? And what did he want? And… who was he?

Valeria Chateau’s alarms were blaring due to the proximity of Grauswein, flashing red lights that ran through his body with flashes of heat. No, that wasn’t the lights, it was a gnawing emptiness that wanted to flare up into action. Ashley didn’t want to stand aside and do nothing. But he had to keep his friends out of danger. What if they died because he was being kept from fighting with them?

‘I have to help them. Forget Irving! I’m going!’

And Overknight blazed through him again, tearing the dragon to shreds. It tore him to shreds as well, forcing him into the moment of battle. It was freedom from being sealed and held back. Greedy to keep this thrill for as long as he could, he sought more opponents. He desired more battles, more challenges until he could battle the whole world and win. That was his wish, his destiny.

All he had to do was destroy the ones here before him, those who were battered from the fruitless task of humans fighting a dragon. These friends who followed him because of who his host used to be, who he pretended to be. Fools, they were mere mortals who could not even imagine the power that he possessed. They were simply cattle who could talk and build things, ones who unwittingly provided him with power. The ones who thought they were heroes deserved to die a hero’s death.

And those who didn’t have the power to be heroes, the ones who held onto the heart of the heroes, they could be delicious souls. This one here wasn’t anymore, having decided on keeping faith in the man she loved despite the fact that he was burnt to nothing on the inside. Not long ago, she had been a wondrous soul full of despair and doubt, shouting at them to give Ashley back even though Ashley had been in control. It had given him such excellent misery and self-doubt. It should have stayed that way.

Since it hadn’t, she would die now and fuel the husk’s feeling of impotence and despair.

Now die, with a crushed throat and empty lungs.

NO!

That’s right, you mustn’t give in. You desire to live, to be with the people you care about. You must fight that which threatens them, even that which lies within you. You must be willing to put your life on the line. You cannot give up.

Then, will you die a hero’s death?

Give them peace and sorrow, safety and suffering. There is always good with the bad and bad with the good. Positive attracts negative, negative attracts positive. You can’t win without there being a loss. It’s futile.

Just kill her and she won’t suffer anymore.

He wanted to say no, but it was caught in his throat, unable to escape. He couldn’t move his body, couldn’t scream or fight back. Where was Blazer taking him? What were they doing? Ashley struggled as much as he could, ignoring the darkness around him. Once he regained control, things would be fine. Yes, fine… but it could be terrible until then…

He grasped control back and sat up, only to realize that he had been asleep this whole time. The sun coming in through the window was a bright pain after the darkness of dreams. Grumbling, Ashley rubbed his eyes. Lord Blazer had been defeated. But, was he still there? Was there still a demonic pulse in his veins that brought about these nightmares and negative thoughts? It was chilling how he couldn’t be sure.

As his mind cleared up, he saw that Marina wasn’t there. She must have gotten up earlier. “Nightmares or no, the day’s work needs to be done,” he mumbled, then stretched. Ashley got out of bed and got dressed so he could head downstairs to help out.

Marina found him shortly after he got downstairs. “Good morning, Ashley,” she said with a large smile on her face. But it was soon gone. “Oh, did you have nightmares again?”

“I can handle them,” Ashley said, rubbing his head. He felt guilty for worrying her, and worried about what he was saying. How long could he handle this? But until there was proof, there wasn’t anything he more he could do. Or was there? “It’s fine now that I’m awake.”

“I hope so,” she said. “Want me to make you some eggs and toast for breakfast?”

“Sure, thanks,” he said, bringing his hand up to her shoulder. The memory of choking her with his own hand came back and he knew he could do it again. He still had that strength… no. He grasped her shoulder instead. “That’d be good.” Then he let her go.

She didn’t comment on him acting strange, just smiled and went back to cook his breakfast. There were customers in the bakery, so Ashley moved some freshly baked goods to the display shelves in the meantime. After eating, he helped put together some jelly rolls to bake and washed dishes for use tomorrow. They were simple chores that he could do to avoid thinking too much. Marina’s family had been teaching him recipes and techniques so he could help out more. Maybe even take over the bakery one day. While it wasn’t something he’d officially decided on, Marina wanted to keep the shop going and he wanted to stay with her.

He wanted to stay, but Ashley wasn’t sure if he should. If his thoughts of killing Marina got carried away, he was afraid that he’d end up doing it even if he didn’t want to. He should stay with her, for her sake, for the sake of their unborn children… for his own sake because being with her did being him peace, even happiness at times. But he should keep away from her if he was going to hurt her and anyone else around him.

Feeling that he should figure something out, Ashley waited until afternoon for the customers to lessen. Marina and her aunt were cleaning up the shop as they usually did at this time. Ashley took a large basket and said, “Hey, I’m going to visit some friends. Want me to take out some deliveries to other towns?”

“Sure, your Teleport Orb does make things handy,” Marina’s aunt said, going back to the counter. “We don’t have any orders, but I’ve got some notes on what trades well in other areas. Let’s see…”

“Did you want to go out?” Ashley asked Marina, although he had hoped he could go alone.

“Not right now, I don’t feel like going very far even with magic,” Marina said, seeming tired. “But maybe this evening, we could walk around town.”

“Sure, let’s do that,” he said. Agreeing to that would lessen any temptation to not come back.

Once he had the deliveries and a list of markets to sell at, Ashley headed out of town to teleport to other towns. He smiled for the merchants and returned greetings to those who recognized him. His troubles shouldn’t disturb others, not when so many had peaceful lives now. After all, he was their hero no matter how much he told others that he wasn’t. He was a normal person and the reason he could save the world was because everyone wanted to save Filgaia. While he didn’t often need to protect others, he should still inspire them. These people would tell stories to their children, those stories would get passed on to the next generation of children… hopefully the world wouldn’t need sacrifices or the deaths of heroes in the future.

Or this kind of suffering he lived with, never sure if he could maintain himself as a human.

In Sielje, he met up with Lilka and, surprisingly, Kanon. “I saved a few jelly rolls for you today,” he said, getting the package for Lilka from the delivery basket. “Freshly baked just this morning.”

“Oo, you know what I like,” she said with a bright grin, acting the box. “Thanks, Ashley!”

“No problem. Did you want some bread, Kanon? I’ve got extras for trade, but I wouldn’t mind giving you some.” He wasn’t sure what kinds of foods Kanon liked since she didn’t often drop by Meria’s bakery.

“I could use some normal bread for sandwiches, that’d be fine,” she said.

“Sure, try this loaf. How’re things going here?” He wasn’t sure how to bring up his problems with them, unless they sensed something was off and asked him about it. It was like bringing this up with Marina; he didn’t want Lilka to worry or be sad. And Kanon still felt distant even as a friend. She never seemed like one for personal talk.

“Great, I’m making progress with the Millennium Puzzle!” Lilka said, setting the box in her bag.

“I’m helping her out with that, since there’s still monsters in the puzzle,” Kanon said, then looked off like she was embarrassed. “And trying to find somewhere to settle down. I can’t wander forever, although I’m not sure where I’ll find for home.”

“I’m sure you’ll find somewhere, and you’ve been a big help,” Lilka said cheerily, clasping her hands together. “Some of the professors are still convinced that the puzzle should be sealed up, but even if we end up doing that, it’s better to get an understanding of how it works now. That way, people in the future will know how to handle it and similar environments should they pop up later on.”

“That’s good,” he said, and listened for a while as Lilka talked about what she’d been learning. He didn’t understand it all, but it was something else to think about. To be positive about. And positive thoughts should be Lord Blazer’s weakness, although he used them a lot in his lies.

Should he have gone with Lilka over Marina? Or, could he relax more with her, spend more time… no, no this was leading into things he didn’t want to do. His heart was set no matter what doubts he had. The problem would be if the demon pulse was real and he still couldn’t trust himself. As he waved goodbye to them when Lilka wanted to get back to study, Ashley looked over his hand. Still rough and tanned; still human. But he knew how it looked when he was a demon, when he should be dead as during the original Demon Summoning.

As long as he looked okay, things were probably okay, but he couldn’t be sure.

In T’Bok Village, he found Brad outside the grocery store. “I was out making trades and deliveries, so I figured I’d drop by and bring you some bread too,” Ashley said, offering some heartier bread that he knew he liked.

“Thanks,” Brad said, accepting the gift. “Something up? Your smile looks forced today.”

“I’ve been having some nightmares,” he admitted since he’d seen through the façade. “About times from the past; it’s hard to shake what I’ve been through, especially since people keep calling me a hero.”

“I know what you mean,” Brad said, heading off down the path with a gesture to follow. It would bring them out of the regular town, out to where Brad’s cabin was. “There’s times that I’d rather forget nightmares from war, prison, or other times. Some little thing happens and the memories seem fresh. While I can sometimes feel some normalcy by someone talking with me, mostly I have to find some quiet by myself in the woods, to remind myself of the present.”

“There’s not much for woods outside Meria, but maybe I’ll try that another time,” Ashley said.

Once they were a good distance from town where the sounds of civilization evened out with the sounds of nature, Brad asked, “Is it anything you feel comfortable talking about?”

“It’s about Lord Blazer,” he said, lowering his voice even though there was no one else nearby to hear. “I didn’t always decide to transform with his power, and even now, I wonder how often I did decide myself. Definitely not the first time; I felt myself die during the Demon Summoning. I know I was a dead puppet to him at first. Then I got Argetlahm, but it wasn’t right away that I was convinced I was alive, or myself.” He rubbed at his head. “There’s still some doubt, actually, about what’s going on with me. I was going to ask Tim about it, since he should be most capable of sensing if Lord Blazer is still in me.”

Brad then stopped and turned to him. “You’d best go do that straight away then,” he said, clasping Ashley’s arm. “For your own peace of mind. Once you do that, you can come back to talk with me about these things any time you want. I understand: neither of us would want to give these nightmares to civilians like Marina by speaking of them too freely.”

“Right, I’ll come back tomorrow to talk,” Ashley said, feeling some relief. “I’d listen to your troubles too, if you’re willing.”

“Maybe, if I feel like it,” he said.

In Baskar, he didn’t find Tim in town but Colette told him to look at the Trial Arena. While Tim didn’t need formal training as a Zoa priest, he still needed to learn some things to fulfill that role. He had an old tome with him, but put it aside once he noticed Ashley coming in. “Hello, Ashley! Did you need my help with something? You usually don’t come out here when I am.”

“Yes, but first, I saved some herb bread for you if you’d like,” Ashley said, offering him the last piece he’d taken for trades.

“Thanks, though I don’t need anything for helping you out,” Tim said, smiling as he took the loaf. “What’s the problem?”

It still felt awkward asking since Tim was younger than him. But, Tim at least had fought many battles, had seen him fighting against Lord Blazer, and was most likely the best person to help him if he was still possessed. “Sorry, but it’s something I’d like you to keep quiet about for the time being. I’ve been concerned for a while now that defeating Lord Blazer didn’t completely destroy him, and I might be harboring some part of him still.”

“You seem all right,” Tim said, concerned too although puzzled that he was asking about it. “Your spirit feels normal to me.”

“He could be hiding quite deep,” Ashley said, shaking his head. “I’ve been having nightmares, which first made me consider the possibility. Since I don’t have work with ARMS to be focusing on, it’s making me wonder about how much control I have over myself, or if the thoughts I’m having are my own. He could make me do and say things before, and it’s always been difficult to tell his thoughts from my own unless he made it clear that he was speaking to me.”

“Really?” Tim put his hand to his chin, considering that. “I hadn’t thought about demon possessions like that, but maybe… if you say it’s like that, then it is the truth.”

“Yeah, and I’m getting really worried about being around Marina and my other friends now.” He put his hand to his chest. “I don’t want to hurt any of you, but as long as I’m uncertain of this, I might not be in full control of myself.”

“In that case, let me try looking deeper into your spirit,” he said, then gestured over to some stairs where he’d been reading. “Go sit down there, since you’re taller than me.”

Once he was seated on the stone steps, Tim climbed up to a ledge close to him to put his hands on his head. Pooka appeared by them and chanted a prayer along with Tim, invoking the Guardians and asking for their assistance in searching Ashley’s soul. An odd tingling started in Ashley’s spine, reminding him of places outside of normal space like the Trapezohedron. His eyelids grew heavy and once he closed them, there was a feeling of being shifted elsewhere.

A rattling of dry branches made Ashley open his eyes since they had been inside. They weren’t now. They were still seated on old stone steps but were surrounded by a blackened forest littered with ashes and charred trees. “Where are we?” Ashley asked, a sense of dread growing in him.

Tim opened his eyes and looked around. “I, I’m not sure,” he said, sounding nervous. “I thought I’d just get more information with that prayer, not end up somewhere like this. Pooka, do you know where we are?”

“Sorry, Pooka doesn’t know either,” the spirit answered. “This isn’t something I was told of to be your guide.”

“Don’t leave that spot, none of you,” another spirit said, appearing near them. Ashley recognized the unicorn as Odoryuk, the Guardian of Life.

“Did I do something wrong?” Tim asked, putting his hands in his lap.

“Not necessarily,” Odoryuk said. “You got exactly what you asked for, a closer look into this man’s soul. To do that, you had to enter the realm of his dreams. But this is a dangerous place to be, even more so because you haven’t looked into the dreams of others before.”

Tim looked aside. “I, I see. I should have guessed so. I mean, I’ve turned down other people’s requests for a priest’s help because I’ve still got a lot to learn. But I really wanted to help Ashley, so, um…”

“Is this place dangerous because of Lord Blazer still being with me?” Ashley asked.

“No,” the Guardian answered, but then gestured with his horn to something they hadn’t noticed before: a black mushroom that was growing on one of the trees. “He is no longer here, nor is he anywhere anymore. But your soul has already been scorched by his fires. He was powerful enough that fragments of that power remain as a demonic pulse in your weakened soul. Given enough time, those fragments can reunite to form a new demon, or perhaps Lord Blazer himself. The pulse will grow stronger if you let it.”

“Then I need to do something to weaken that pulse,” he said. But how did he gain control of his thoughts and dreams?

“How could we do that?” Tim asked.

“The normal means of healing a soul this weakened would be through meditation to control one’s emotions,” Odoryuk said. “And by guidance from someone who understands how serious spiritual and emotional trauma can be.”

“I was going to talk with Brad too, since he’d understand,” Ashley said.

Tim nodded. “Right, I think he’d be a good person for that.”

“You could also lessen the demonic pulse through actions in this dreamworld, through the powers of a priest,” Odoryuk said. “However, Tim, while it is clear that you can enter a dreamworld of another person, it’s too dangerous for an inexperienced priest to be fighting the nightmares that will be here. You’d need to learn through the dreams of more normal people and those of yourself before you attempt healing someone like Ashley in these means.”

“I understand, I can work on that,” Tim said, bowing his head. Then he looked to Ashley. “I have been learning about meditations, though. I can help you that much for now.”

“Thanks, but I hope it won’t end up too late,” Ashley said. What might end up happening when his children were born? A cold wind ran through the trees then, causing the branches to rattle again.

Odoryuk nodded. “You should go, but first, see this?” The unicorn called on a warmer wind to sweep away some of the ashes, to reveal some young grass growing there. “Your will to survive is strong, if weary from being pushed so hard for so long. Take things slow and simple as there is no quick fix for this. Don’t be ashamed to decline situations you know will be stressful or to ask for assistance. Your soul can heal from this devastation although such things cannot be forced. Will you remember this?”

“I’ll do my best to remember,” he said. “Thanks, it helps to be certain of what’s going on.”

“Good,” he said, then instructed Tim on how they should leave.

Once they were back, Tim picked up his study tome and asked him to walk back to Baskar with him. Tim was in no danger going that way as his strength was enough for what few monsters were left. But that gave them some time to talk about meditation and his studies as a priest. He seemed eager to help, enough that Ashley warned him not to take things too fast either. The world was peaceful now and they should have plenty of time. Just as long as he could keep control of himself, that is.

Back home in the bakery, Ashley made the notations on the trades and sales he’d made. Marina came down the stairs and behind the counter to hug him. “I missed you,” she said.

“I was only gone a few hours,” he said, putting an arm around her briefly before going back to his record-keeping.

“So where’d you go?” she asked, staying near him.

“Lots of places, but I did catch Tim like I wanted,” Ashley said. “I just had some things to discuss with him, and Brad. Actually, I’ll be going back to see them tomorrow, and probably often for a little while.”

“Why? You can always invite your friends here, you know.” Marina gripped his shoulder and looked steadily at his eyes.

It would only take a moment to do away with her, or so an unwanted thought came in. And she wouldn’t suspect she was in danger until it was too late. Watching his writing more than he needed, he said, “It’s some unfinished business from our time with ARMS that I really need to take care of, so I can’t always bring them here.”

“Oh,” she said, sounding disappointed. “Do you really need to do it? You’re not a ‘hero’; you even say so yourself. You don’t need to sacrifice your personal life anymore for that kind of thing.”

“It’s not like that,” he said. How did he tell her without saying that he was afraid of killing her? “It’s because I’m not a ‘hero’ that I really need to do this, because such a person would shrug off anything for their duty. I can’t do that because of some terrible things I remember; I really want some peace of mind, so I’ll be working with them for a while to find it.”

“Well if it’s something you remember, do you really have to go so far away to find peace of mind?” Marina asked. She patted his back. “You have a peaceful life here and I’ll take good care of you. I want you to stay close and not always go off to some random corner of the world like a hero would.”

But being constantly here was keeping him from having peace of mind, especially with the demonic pulse’s temptations. “I know, but it’s not that simple,” Ashley said, now at a loss because he was done with the records and wasn’t sure what else to distract himself with. “If it was, my friends wouldn’t be so concerned for me. Will you trust me on this?”

“Well can’t you trust me to take care of you?” she asked back, sad now.

“I do trust you, and I love you, but just staying here isn’t helping,” he said, feeling like he was grasping at straws trying to find something suitable to say.

“Why not? They say love and time heal all wounds. Can’t you have faith in me? How am I not enough?” Marina was in tears now. “Can’t you have faith in us, in our family?”

“I do have faith in you, but I don’t want to hurt you either,” Ashley said, trying to gently push her away. There was some fiery temper in him, threatening to flare up and do something he didn’t want. Lord Blazer wasn’t there anymore, he reminded himself. But something else could be.

“You wouldn’t hurt me,” she said, shaking her head. “Just stay home. You’ve been doing well working here and everybody loves you. This should be a peaceful happy time for both of us. Why is that too complicated for you to get? It’s simple!”

Rubbing his forehead, he tried to look at her. But it made him remember the image of her dead in his hands; he hated himself for thinking that. “I trust you, Marina, and I love you. So please, trust me in this. I want to make sure things are peaceful when they’re not. I need some help but there’s no one better than Tim or Brad with this that I know of. I’m doing what I can to make things better.”

“But why am I not enough?!” Marina asked.

“Because I don’t want to hurt you,” he said. “I’m sorry, but that’s why.”

“But you wouldn’t, you didn’t before,” she insisted.

“Oh come now, don’t be making her upset,” Marina’s aunt said, coming over to them. Marina was soon at her side, hugging her while crying. “You’re supposed to be taking care of her and making her happy.”

“I’m trying,” he said, biting his lip on something harsher.

“Well you should try harder,” Marina’s aunt said, an angry edge to her words. “You’re better than this.”

“I’m trying,” he repeated, then decided it was better to leave now before he got blinded to what he was doing. They tried to call after him; they must see him as a terrible man now. But they didn’t fully understand and it would horrify them if he tried to explain. Either way, they wouldn’t want to see him for a while.

Outside of the town walls, he walked out into the plains hoping to either cool down or get far enough away that a reasonable person wouldn’t go that far. Did Marina realize how much of a war it had been between himself and Lord Blazer before, especially when the latter had a chance to kill her? She believed so much in that love could solve anything. Perhaps it had been a miracle of love that he could stop his body in time to save her; he could vividly recall the tension in his joints and muscles in that struggle, how much it had exhausted him to save her as he desperately wanted. From her point of view, all he had to do was release his grip. In his memory, that had been a monumental effort and he did not want to have to fight like that again.

But what was he supposed to do? Tell her that he didn’t want to kill her and was afraid that he might without being able to stop himself? That wouldn’t work. Ashley knew that she’d just stick to her beliefs. And if things were normal, that would be fine. It’s all be enough and he wouldn’t be in such a bind. However, things were so abnormal that a Guardian believed that his dreams were too dangerous to explore. He wasn’t so sure about telling her about that dreamworld either. If she realized that there was scorched earth inside him, she might cling to him tighter and insist harder that he just had to trust her love so everything would be fine.

Things wouldn’t be fine that easily, perhaps not for a long time. And he probably was a terrible man for doing this, leaving the woman he loved when she was going to have their children. But then, that was better than him trying to stay and lashing out at her for reasons he couldn’t bring himself to tell her. It wasn’t going to be a permanent leave either as he’d go back when he could. He couldn’t blame himself for this mess either; he hadn’t chosen to get possessed by a demon, after all. He had wanted to be a hero and he did pull Argetlahm that second time. But that was a desperate gamble to save himself. This situation, this day, this was nothing that he’d ever wanted.

After taking a deep breath and starting to calm down, Ashley looked ahead and realized where he’d been going: the Sword Cathedral. The sky was bright with red and yellow from a melting sunset. That was where everything began, where he should have died if he hadn’t become a host to Lord Blazer. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he glanced down at his hands. Still normal… and they stayed normal for several minutes. Although he could all too easily see them returning to a deathly pallor, or to bloodied armor.

This wasn’t helping. He got out the Teleport Orb and sent himself away. He didn’t care where; he just needed to be somewhere without terrible memories attached. As luck would have it, he ended up in T’bok again. Evening was falling here too, not as advanced as back near Meria. Ashley headed out to the cabin, finding Brad outside chopping wood. “Hey, sorry for showing up again so late,” he said.

Brad stopped with his wood chopping and looked over to him. “You look in worse shape than before,” he said. “How are things?”

“It’s not Lord Blazer, but the remnants of his power have left some demonic pulse in me,” Ashley said, feeling some relief that he could speak of this. “It could bring back Lord Blazer, or form an entirely different demon. And it seems parts of my soul are still scorched to ashes from his possession. The Guardian of Life felt it was too dangerous for me and Tim to remain in my dreams, where we ended up when he tried looking into my soul.”

“Did the Guardian mention any way to heal your soul?” Brad asked.

He shrugged and sat down on a stump nearby. “We might be able to do something within dreams once Tim knows more about what we’re getting into, but that will take time. Otherwise, the Guardian advised that I take things slow and steady, and try to avoid stressful situations if I can. But that caused problems when I went back home.”

“Were you able to tell Marina about this?”

Ashley shook his head. “I tried, but I don’t want to horrify her with the entire truth. She clearly cares a lot and wants to help me, but she thinks that the normal life we’ve been living the past few months should have been enough for me to move on. When I told her that I was seeking more help, she broke down in tears because she thinks I don’t have enough faith in her. I do have faith in her, but not in myself.”

“That’s a reasonable feeling given what you’ve been through,” Brad said. “She might not be unreasonable either since this isn’t a normal problem. Tell you what: go ahead and stay here for the night at least. We’ll try to explain things to them again tomorrow. We will have to let them know that the root of the problem is in the possession. Hopefully that’s enough without telling them how severe the effects are.”

“Thanks, Brad, I’ll try not to be troublesome,” Ashley said.

“Then would you stack the firewood in the wagon? I’m taking it into town tomorrow to help with their winter preparations.”

“Sure thing.”

As he helped out with the logs, Ashley hoped that they could get Marina and her family to understand tomorrow. He hoped that he wouldn’t end up hurting them either; he hoped that he would remain himself, hoped that he would find peace. But all these hopes were accompanied by fears that they would be lost. It would have only taken a moment before to lose entirely to Lord Blazer; it might have only taken a few false steps to lose himself to Argetlahm and end up as a sacrificed hero. Now it might only take a moment for him to completely ruin his future.

But he had to keep hope in avoiding those disastrous moments, hope in the struggle of renewal even if he was tired of all the struggles. That hope would bring him back to happiness and a better future. Eventually, in time… he needed to be patient with himself and hope that others would be patient with him as well.

He should be patient with Marina too, and hope that she would understand even if it wasn’t right away.


End file.
